Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Alien Metabolisms

Over at the Pop Culture Gadabout, blogfather Bill Sherman recently did a posting on longtime FA pin-up wreck Anna Nicole Smith’s final direct-to-video low-budgeter, Illegal Aliens. Bill captures most of the movie’s so-bad-it’s-bad features, but he omits discussing one scene that inevitably piqued my interest: a sequence where one of the hottie shape-shifting aliens, Drew (Lenise Sorén), goes out on a dinner date with a geeky guy scientist. After she makes a full-course order at the restaurant, her date comments on the fact that it’s unusual to see a girl her size who is unafraid to eat. She doesn’t need to worry about overeating, the alien sez; she has a metabolism that allows her to eat all day without gaining any weight. This largely irrelevant conversation is never followed up on in the movie, but that didn’t stop the fanta-sizer in me from imagining the scene that should’ve been: a scene where the movie’s villainess Rex (Chyna) attempts to incapacitate the intergalactic policewoman by fiddling with her metabolism and turning the alien into a mega-sized BBW. Which leads me to Barbers’ First Rule of Sci/Fantasy. "If you’re gonna have yer characters talk about WG and overeating in the course of yer story, then, by God, you better ultimately show some weight gain and overeating!!!!"

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